{"id":5922,"date":"2020-10-23T01:11:01","date_gmt":"2020-10-23T01:11:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/gsca.us\/?p=5922"},"modified":"2020-10-23T01:13:45","modified_gmt":"2020-10-23T01:13:45","slug":"plastic-smiles","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/staging.gsca.us\/?p=5922","title":{"rendered":"Plastic Smiles"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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All for that smile\u2026 or so I would think.<\/p>

Oftentimes, I find myself working towards making others burst into laughter or crack a smile. It was quite Intoxicating<\/i>, and from the moment I started making my first jokes in grade school I had been hooked. My life had been defined by the thousands of smiles I had created.<\/p>

But I would often find myself thinking the contrary. Where did those smiles lead me? Surely nothing much if it results in me sinking as I am now.<\/p>

To greater finances?<\/i> I wouldn\u2019t think so. Smiles may get me a pleasant word or too, but I never managed to sell a laugh.<\/p>

Then how about better relationships?<\/i> I suppose I did gain pleasant relationships from making others smile, but a smile is not enough. People desire talent<\/i> and relatability<\/i>, which\u00a0 you won\u2019t find from a job-hopping shut-in.<\/p>

But how about self- gratification? Isn\u2019t laughter contageous?<\/i> Quite the contrary, I would argue. Seeing others laugh and enjoy themselves often left me envious of what I could have lived.\u00a0<\/p>

But then what defined me? Surely there\u2019s something! Yet the longer I continue this inner argument, the more I begin to feel insecure about what I had lived for.<\/p>

The bubbles seem to swirl around me, resembling those whom I made smile. Strangely I couldn\u2019t identify a single one of them. In my head, I had never quite considered any of them as friends or lovers. The fact that I could not remember s single face justified that.<\/p>

Then are friends and lovers just those whom we remember? If so, I would say my lovers are the days I could never forget. While it would be expected that my favorite days would be those in which I made the most people smile, they are instead when I spend the most time alone.<\/p>

I could still see the stars above me, whirling and shifting as I gazed upon the vast cosmos that day.<\/p>

I could still feel the wind blowing against me as I opened the windows and sped over the limit that day.<\/p>

And I could still feel the shale and sand underneath me as I sat hours upon hours, looking at nothing but the waves.\u00a0<\/p>

The thought of waves suddenly made me aware of the water shifting under me. Opening my eyes, I saw the rays of light dissipate around me, creating a beautiful shade of color. The debris seemed to rush past me, paying no heed to a simple person like me, similar to how people seem to just drift away from me. I would often make others smile while hoping for a chance of a blossoming relationship, yet my efforts were always for naught.\u00a0<\/p>

In fact, the reason why my favorite days are such may be in part of this desire. Those were the days I didn\u2019t have to interact with others. Talking and gossip always resembled fingers scratching a chalkboard. In fact, I would even cover my ears out of instinct, causing others to look at me in confusion.<\/p>

Then does that mean even my favorite days were just excuses for a pathetic desire to stay away?<\/p>

The sound of a motor brought me back to the present. I could faintly make out the silhouettes of others above me moving in a frantic manner. I smiled, realizing this may have been the first time in my life I have managed to attract some attention. Thinking nothing of it, I closed my eyes with one thought in mind.<\/p>

There\u2019s nothing I could have done.<\/i><\/p>

Yet as I continue to sink even deeper, this thought circulated throughout my mind. It ran through the very fibers of my being, disrupting the war in my head.\u00a0<\/p>

There\u2019s nothing that could have been done.<\/i><\/p>

<\/i>But when I think about it, what have I done? I\u2019ve always just moped, keeping to myself and never trying for a better future.<\/p>

There\u2019s nothing I could have done.<\/i><\/p>

Have I ever attempted? Have I ever done anything other than stare at the smiles of others in disgust?<\/p>

There\u2019s nothing I could have done<\/i>.<\/p>

Have I ever tried anything other than making others laugh? Ever took the extra step to learn a hobby or get to know someone else better?<\/p>

There\u2019s nothing I could have done!<\/i><\/p>

<\/i>I began to shout in my head, now trying to convince myself of this fact. Yet when this though planted itself in me, I began to wonder. Maybe there is a chance for this sorry fellow to get up. Maybe there\u2019s a chance I’ll experience what I’ve come to hate.\u00a0<\/p>

Maybe i\u2019ll be able to make someone smile not momentarily, but for a long, long time.\u00a0<\/p>

When my mind began to think these redundant thoughts, I suddenly lost the ability to think. There was only one thought left in me- I must escape.<\/p>

Not just the water crushing me down, but also my monotonous lifestyle. Maybe there is a path for me other than the one I was leading at the moment.<\/p>

And while these thoughts circled around me, I began to feel myself wading towards the surface subconsciously.\u00a0<\/p>

I began thinking of the possibilities of something better.\u00a0<\/p>

I began to feel my past self detaching itself from my soul and filling up with beautifully colored experiences.<\/p>

And I began to feel a sense of relief spread over me as I saw a hand reach for me. Grabbing it, I felt myself get hoisted up. With a quick rolling motion, I sprawled onto a hard, soggy floor.\u00a0<\/p>

Coughing out the water in my lungs, I began to see the faces around me gather closer. When I finally managed to sit up, I was hit with a torrent of questions, yet they all went in one ear and left from the other. The only thing I could distinguish was the face of my savior, smiling back at me.<\/p>

And with that, I crawled my way towards him, uninterested from the rest of the world. When I finally did reach him, I stopped and reached out my hand, a phrase escaping my mouth.<\/p>

Will you be my friend?<\/i><\/p>

And with that phrase uttered, I felt a smile form on my face.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

All for that smile\u2026 or so I would think. Oftentimes, I find myself working towards making others burst into laughter or crack a smile. It was quite Intoxicating, and from the moment I started making my first jokes in grade school I had been hooked. My life had been defined by the thousands of smiles […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":45,"featured_media":5926,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"elementor_header_footer","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[85,84,82],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5922","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-85","category-articles","category-kids"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.gsca.us\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5922","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.gsca.us\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.gsca.us\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.gsca.us\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/45"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.gsca.us\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5922"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/staging.gsca.us\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5922\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5927,"href":"https:\/\/staging.gsca.us\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5922\/revisions\/5927"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.gsca.us\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/5926"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.gsca.us\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5922"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.gsca.us\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5922"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.gsca.us\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5922"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}